Life is such a mixture of great beauty, and real loss and pain … and unfortunately, as hard as we (...or I) may try, it's inescapable how interlinked they are to one another.
We may try to autopilot the great things in life, which we so yearn to have on repeat for all of eternity, yet in this process we lose our connection to creating those great things in our lives; and the process of creation is so much a part of the magic.
Maybe we are longing to learn a new connection with creation and creativity, with ourselves as human creator beings … because this is who we are. Creative resilience is in our DNA and it can feel so easy to forget this.
I know I do it all the time.
So a question I am sitting with now is, how may I learn a new connection with my innate creativity? With my natural process?
I have begun to realize that my natural creative process is slow, it takes a while, and I feel like slowness in this culture and moment of time is dangerous. It means peril. "If you're not hustling," you're out of the game. When I look to the outside of myself for guidance or to know if I am doing it all 'right,' I feel like I am a total failure in all of this, and like I have gotten something wrong.
Yet I am also waking up to a realization that so many ways I learned to connect with my creative side were mired in conditioning, and may have included a 'powering-over' of myself in the process of achieving results. And this doesn't feel natural for me at all. It certainly doesn't feel like a way that I desire to perpetuate if it comes at the expense of my natural and true, creative self.
So perhaps right now, for me, re-learning how to connect with myself being a natural and true creative being is the part of my journey that is giving me purpose, and meaning and joy … and it's where so much of being a creator can happen.
Whenever I'm in a pattern of embracing something new for myself, I find I often ask myself some new questions.
For example, lately I have been trying to juggle so many things in my mind and bring them all to resolution. When I notice the feelings of overwhelm this was bringing on, I asked myself - "okay, how may I allow more simplicity here?"
In this process, I realized that my initial reaction to this question was something like, "Hello ... it isn't all so simple!?" and in this, I could see how I am attached to things feeling complex and un-answered in my life, which is a familiar pattern for me. I have learned to swim in the layers of complexity that I can see ... this feeds my nuance and depth of understanding in life. It is a wonderful quality - and - a la my last post on overusing strengths, it can also create an imbalance at times when I am staying there.
So in rebalancing, I have to learn how to let go of this initial reaction, and welcome in a new pattern at the same time. And then I can make a choice in my daily life - like laying in park soaking up some sunshine for a few hours - so I can let that sensation of simplicity come in and help me feel good about creating that space for something new to arrive in :)
Lately I have been thinking about the concept of dynamic tensions between the areas of myself that I am well-developed, and the areas I often struggle and am not as strong. This has been a conversation that has come up multiple times in conversations with friends over the past few weeks - noticing that tension, naming it, and exploring how to work with the spectrum of my strengths in new and different ways.
It's been a long held belief of mine that leaning into what is natural and beautifully available for me is a great place to be focusing in life, and I absolutely believe there is a deep wisdom in leaning into areas that are so naturally strong within me. I feel like learning what those areas are that flow so naturally within me (rather than how I feel like I am expected to perform or be conditioned to show up) has been a powerful awakening on its own.
And I also am coming to see in my life, and in listening to friends talk about their experiences, how helpful it can be to understand the inherent tension that exists between areas that are easily strong and flowing, and the other side of that spectrum.
For example- I'm great at living in the land of flow and non-linear and ideas in my mind. It is *far* more difficult for me to translate my ideas into something concrete and tangible, to bring them into form. There are times when this is great - I love brainstorming, I can often generate a zillion possibilities, and I know I am well attuned at supporting others in getting into this creative energy for themselves too.
And then there are times when I am following idea after idea, and never quite following through on any of them. Or when I'm suggesting so many things and never completing them for myself. Starting so many blog posts and not publishing them ;)
After time this can lead to frustration, challenge and an overabundance of non-linearity in my life that doesn't feel great to me. Or rather feels like I am missing something on the other side of the spectrum.
So being aware of these tensions, in this case of the concrete form on the other side of the non-linear idea land, I am starting to bring my awareness to how this is an area of growth for me my life. I've begun moving the needle toward the middle of the spectrum a bit more, asking myself to follow through on things in as gentle a way as possible (because I am so over being harsh to myself - that's a well developed skill as well I've been desiring to kick out of my life).
Seeing these tensions, naming them, working to bring them towards balance when they feel like they've swung far into the realm of overdeveloped, this feels like creating a sense of wholeness for me. It's learning to deepen into more self awareness, balance and creating a feeling of equilibrium in my life.
So publishing this blog is one of these examples for me! Hello to finishing something I desired to start and complete :)
Are there any areas of your life where you feel you may be so well developed, perhaps you are looking to bring in some balance from the other side of the spectrum? These are areas that can feel like stretching a new muscle or bringing some new energy and a sense of wholeness into your life … experiment, see how it feels to you, and if there's anything new you learn.
As I navigate my path and explore where my inner compass is taking me towards in this next phase of my life, I feel an abundance of questions. In this almost Scorpionic sense, I am feeling the need to look underneath the surface of my life and ask how I want to be building where I go next? What feels true? What feels like a default that I cannot accept anymore, or that I don't desire to replicate in my life?
Yet what I realized today in my journaling that in this process of asking more questions, there is one question that I really desire to STOP asking - - and that's the question of my own inner being, and my own inner worth.
Good lord is this a difficult one to stop asking myself ... I feel so intimately wired with the 'pause, hesitate, question' of my instincts and innate desires. I often don't even realize I'm doing this as my default response.
There is some deep work to do here. I am learning how to bring my awareness to this moment of choice over and over again, learning how to trust myself in wild ways. Ways that often feel like I'm moving into some pretty uncharted territory that I have no clue precisely where it is leading...
So what I want to remember is that I also know moments when I have really known how to follow my instincts, and when that has led to absolutely incredible flow in my life. Moments when I surprised myself with how spot on my instincts were about something that felt previously unknowable.
And for as often as I can recall the questioning and pausing, I can also summon experiences where I've led myself innately towards something amazing and well suited for myself. These experiences can feel quite far away when I'm in an experience that is seemingly opposite. It is real work to bring it back alive and real, yet that can be how I create a case against the inner questioning that wants to swoop in like a default ready to set up shop where it feels so comfortable.
And I am no longer desiring that space to be for rent.
So in asking questions, can I stop that constant questioning of self? ... and isn't that a weird and wacky and freeing conundrum to want to live in? ;)
Remembering who you are, what your soul yearns for and how to create the space to listen to it … to hear yourself and to believe in what you have to offer and create.
It begins in the ephemeral … in the invisible… and it's easy for it to be lost in that space, yet your own belief in those invisible yearnings, your ability to capture them and put them down while they are fresh and have energy … to learn from, to experience, to sense into.
what can we do to capture it while it's there? While it's fresh and has some energy for you to learn from? Writing is so deep, powerful and transformative because it can take the invisible and make it tangible.
Learning how to capture and learn from:
Your own way of being
Your own life
Allow them to be real, to have meaning and shape even if they don't feel tangible yet… they are alive. They have meaning, they give your inner world shape and form.
How do you want your life to feel?
Write it down.
Listen to yourself.
Hear your own guidance
Your inner world
You, at your core
What if I stopped believing it had to be hard?
i have a belief that ‘business’ and ‘work’ is so rigid, that it’s constrictive, that it has to happen a certain way - - that it’s only possible if x,y,z … and that it has to be hard. it has to be a struggle. it has to be a certain way … that life is that way in fact.
what if that weren’t true?
what if it were more imaginative than that?
i know that by opening my mind beyond these types of limiting beliefs, it’s possible to make another experience available for myself. it’s possible to lean into the creative edges and explore the wildness there.
I know that’s where the fascinating discoveries emerge, and where innovation lies.
i know this from being around the start up world, from seeing the beauty in creative processes … that’s a gem that “entrepreneurship” can offer … it’s really about expanding the lines of what we can create, bringing the new through, opening up to emergence and possibility and what could become real. ideas begin in the energetic and imagination space before they ever take hold in reality…
so we have to make room for them to take hold there before they could ever land in our tangible world
if we won’t even allow our minds to hold this possibility, they may never be able to rest there.
so i can see how i have created an experience where that has to be true for me, and i no longer want to create that experience
what i’m feeling right now is…
what if building a business and ‘work’ were refreshing, nourishing, imaginative and creative?
what if i weren’t a workhorse demanding unending hours from myself as an entrepreneur (… am I trying to prove something to myself there?) … and rather, I gave myself room and creative freedom to explore and express as it comes through me?
I’m my own boss so i don’t really have anyone else to blame in this case! ha
what happens if *i* give myself more space to be creative and flowing and then I might allow a shift in what i can actually create for my life, my business, my work … all the things …?
how can i give to the world in a way that I love, in a way that lights me up, that makes full, well use of who I naturally am to support others?
how can i do this while building a life where I am able to feel whole, well, nourished, loved, alive, able to grow and learn, explore and experience life, become more of myself?
i don’t know the answer to this yet, but i know these are questions i’m willing to live into .. to explore, to unearth, to unpack, to learn about myself and life while i go
i also know from my own life that asking questions are how i explore new ways and possibilities
that is one thing i’ve learned over the course of my budding-ish career … opening up the question for myself is one of the most essential and powerful ways for beginning to explore the answer
and that’s what i’m going to do … i will live into this answer
and i’m going to share how i’m going through that process, offering tools and insights, resources that work for me
because that’s one thing i am discovering, i love to offer this to others. i love sharing what helps me, what tools i’m working with, i love teaching, i love being inside that space of inner discovery and exploration and i absolutely love supporting others in that process for themselves
that’s what i know … i can offer from my experience, from my own journey, what has felt true to me
it won’t work for everyone
i believe everyone has an intuitive knowing for them
and if it can help you make more sense of who you are, and how you can navigate differently through the world, i truly, deeply hope it does
Empowering people to connect with meaning and vibrancy in life.