On awakening

​Life is such a mixture of great beauty, and real loss and pain … and unfortunately, as hard as we (...or I) may try, it's inescapable how interlinked they are to one another.

We may try to autopilot the great things in life, which we so yearn to have on repeat for all of eternity, yet in this process we lose our connection to creating those great things in our lives; and the process of creation is so much a part of the magic.

Maybe we are longing to learn a new connection with creation and creativity, with ourselves as human creator beings … because this is who we are. Creative resilience is in our DNA and it can feel so easy to forget this.

I know I do it all the time.

So a question I am sitting with now is, how may I learn a new connection with my innate creativity? With my natural process? 

I have begun to realize that my natural creative process is slow, it takes a while, and I feel like slowness in this culture and moment of time is dangerous. It means peril. "If you're not hustling," you're out of the game. When I look to the outside of myself for guidance or to know if I am doing it all 'right,' I feel like I am a total failure in all of this, and like I have gotten something wrong. 

Yet I am also waking up to a realization that so many ways I learned to connect with my creative side were mired in conditioning, and may have included a 'powering-over' of myself in the process of achieving results. And this doesn't feel natural for me at all. It certainly doesn't feel like a way that I desire to perpetuate, if it comes at the expense of my natural and true, creative self. 

So perhaps right now, for me, re-learning how to connect with myself as a true creative being is the part of my journey that is giving me purpose, and meaning and joy … and it's where so much of being a creator can happen.