I will start by sharing that my heart and soul have yearned to write this year. They've been overwhelmed by the world in the ways that I'm sure your own heart and soul have been as well. They have been desperate for an outlet, yearning to be heard, and crying for a way to know it will all be alright.

Our world is on the road to greater complexity, intensity, emotionality and certainly more chaos.  It's no longer making logical or rational sense in the ways we've been planning for it to, and that can throw us into a frenetic tail spin. We don't know who to believe, or who to listen to, or where to find a sense of 'ground.' 

This crazy-making environment has had the effect of throwing off the foundations we thought were so solid underneath our feet, revealing that what we may have thought were real and true were in fact only one version of reality, and there are more.

I was hit by this bus of groundless-ness at the new year, I found myself completely unable to envision the year ahead. My shock was followed by a deep anxiety over the uncertainty in my life, and of stepping into the blank unknown ahead of me. As a self-employed person this is always a reality, yet there are moments when the lack of certainty is a stronger source of crazy than others. This year, my mind's sheer will could not trump the cries from inside of me to pay attention to the fact that someone in there was not happy. Moody teenager style. 

This is when I stumbled across "Writing Down Your Soul" by Janet Conner.

Inside the pages of this gorgeous book, I saw an invitation to truly listen to myself. To hear what all that chaos and anxiety inside of me had to share. I used the book's invitation as a commitment to get started writing each day until I could find my way home to my soul. To my relief, the solace of welcoming blank pages took me there each day, without fail, if I wrote long enough.

What I found fascinating about this process is that to get to my soul's knowing, I had to make space to listen to my ego first. It was the one screaming so loud inside of me, and I could no longer ignore it. I needed to let it rattle off it's complaints and it's harsh criticism, it's frustration about me being my creative, non-traditional, intuitive self that causes me to walk into such uncertainty in life. Those sentiments had to to be heard, seen and healed. 

In the past I have tried to try to intellectualize my ego away (don't think those thoughts! that's not what you want to believe!... pretend that doesn't exist!) and yet what I have realized with time is that this tactic only works for so long ... because the ego does exist. There is no denying this fact; and if I don't give it space to be seen, my ego will run the show sub-consciously through my thought patterns and behaviors without my realizing it.

The mind blowing thing I have been learning about writing from a 'soul' level is that it can allow for a re-wiring of the brain and offer a platform to truly transform yourself. The essential goal of this process is to bring yourself into a deep 'theta' brain wave level during your writing ... a meditative-like state. To get there, I have found this means that I must focus on writing from the heart, expressing anything that comes up for me, rather than trying to craft perfectly thoughtful and correct statements. I've also found I get there at times when I write faster than I can think. 

As you get yourself into a meditative state in your writing, you are able to access a sub-conscious level of thought, belief, synthesis. This is where it gets real, because here that you can heal and re-wire thought patterns that are below the surface of your consciousness. You may be put ideas or thoughts together that you haven't been able to before, you can ask yourself questions and feel the answers forming from your intuition to spill out onto the page. The book goes into further detail and the neuroscience behind this experience, so I highly recommend checking it out.

I have been blown away by the clarity and knowing I found after asking genuine questions in my writing at this level. Not to mention a deep sense of peace and connectedness to myself as an outcome. What I have found is that soul writing is a ritual that not only feels good, it enables a deep and meaningful growth process to take place inside of my mind at the same time.

One fascinating realization I came to in all of this is that once I make space for my ego to say it's feelings, and feel heard, it will always give way to the wisdom of my soul. I can count on that. Now, I have to write daily until I can feel my ego relax and let my heart and my soul take the steering wheel. Until I can feel that peace takeover inside of me, I know I have to keep going. Once I get there, I know I'm ready to rock and roll. 

Writing in this particular way has become like breathing and drinking water - I have to do it to stay alive. The most beautiful thing is that because I so desperately need it, I desire to make time for it in my day. I know I will feel more attuned to myself, my day will flow with greater ease, I will have a greater sense of knowing. My writing ritual gives me true support in those moments I am searching. That’s how I know it’s a practice that is meant for me. 

I have worked relentlessly over my life to try to find the 'optimal' routine, to practice what all the experts preach about starting your day out 'right.' Usually that involved some kind of daily journaling practice I felt I should do, but to my great frustration, never stuck well on me. I would always try to say the right thing, or get to some profound insight and it felt forced. I'd then give it up a few days or weeks later because it didn't nourish me, and then I'd judge myself harshly for not being able to keep it going.

Now, out of a place of true need and desire, a deep yearning to express what my heart has to say ... whether it is smart-sounding or not ... I have been able to create both a vibrant, rich relationship with writing and a regular ritual around it. I still don't do it at exactly the same time every day (because I am a pisces and I like to flow away from rigid routine :) Yet I have realized that because I truly need it, I will make time for my writing each day when I'm ready for it. 

In this process, I came to see that the rituals that bring us to life are the ones that are meant for us. And if they are life-giving for us, then they are healing for the world too. That is what we need more than anything to stay sane right now.

Given my recent explorations, I'd like to offer you two crystallized thoughts:

1) We must find a way to hear ourselves inside of this mad world. There is simply too much chaos, overwhelm, over-stimulation, and dramatization to be healthy for a human soul. The only way find to feel the ground is to find it within ourselves. The only answers that will stick for us are those that are generated from our own wisdom. 

How will you create space to put away the outside noise and truly hear yourself?

Where will you create safe space to feel what you're feeling, and let yourself find your own answers?

It may not be writing, maybe it's gathering with close, wholehearted friends ... or it's through meditation, running, playing music. Whatever it is, make sure it gives you the space to feel a deeper truth within you. That's how you'll know it's right for you. 

2) Routines are powerful when they are life-giving, not rigidly demanding. I have struggled for so long under the weight of doing the right things at the right time (aka. recovering perfectionist). To my happy surprise, I now realize that when I get out of my own way and let my soul bring me to the practices I need the most, I can continually return to them.

What activities or rituals bring you alive, into greater truth with yourself?

If you let your heart and soul guide, where would they lead you? What would your curiosity and desire take you towards?

I will leave you with this - I sense that what we need most now is to listen to the wisdom that our own life has to tell us.

What will truly support us in our lives?

What truths do we feel inside of us?

If we unearth those things, through trial and error, practice and reflection, experimentation and observation, then we can begin to piece together the practices that ground us, and offer a platform to evolve our world from the wisdom of our soul.
 

With deep love and deep belief in your soul's knowing,