As I navigate my path and explore where my inner compass is taking me towards in this next phase of my life, I feel an abundance of questions. In this almost Scorpionic sense, I am feeling the need to look underneath the surface of my life and ask how I want to be building where I go next? What feels true? What feels like a default that I cannot accept anymore, or that I don't desire to replicate in my life?
Yet what I realized today in my journaling that in this process of asking more questions, there is one question that I really desire to STOP asking - - and that's the question of my own inner being, and my own inner worth.
Good lord is this a difficult one to stop asking myself ... I feel so intimately wired with the 'pause, hesitate, question' of my instincts and innate desires. I often don't even realize I'm doing this as my default response.
There is some deep work to do here. I am learning how to bring my awareness to this moment of choice over and over again, learning how to trust myself in wild ways. Ways that often feel like I'm moving into some pretty uncharted territory that I have no clue precisely where it is leading...
So what I want to remember is that I also know moments when I have really known how to follow my instincts, and when that has led to absolutely incredible flow in my life. Moments when I surprised myself with how spot on my instincts were about something that felt previously unknowable.
And for as often as I can recall the questioning and pausing, I can also summon experiences where I've led myself innately towards something amazing and well suited for myself. These experiences can feel quite far away when I'm in an experience that is seemingly opposite. It is real work to bring it back alive and real, yet that can be how I create a case against the inner questioning that wants to swoop in like a default ready to set up shop where it feels so comfortable.
And I am no longer desiring that space to be for rent.
So in asking questions, can I stop that constant questioning of self? ... and isn't that a weird and wacky and freeing conundrum to want to live in? ;)
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