 Whenever I'm in a pattern of embracing something new for myself, I find I often ask myself some new questions.
For example, lately I have been trying to juggle so many things in my mind and bring them all to resolution. When I notice the feelings of overwhelm this was bringing on, I asked myself - "okay, how may I allow more simplicity here?" In this process, I realized that my initial reaction to this question was something like, "Hello ... it isn't all so simple!?" and in this, I could see how I am attached to things feeling complex and un-answered in my life, which is a familiar pattern for me. I have learned to swim in the layers of complexity that I can see ... this feeds my nuance and depth of understanding in life. It is a wonderful quality - and - a la my last post on overusing strengths, it can also create an imbalance at times when I am staying there. So in rebalancing, I have to learn how to let go of this initial reaction, and welcome in a new pattern at the same time. And then I can make a choice in my daily life - like laying in park soaking up some sunshine for a few hours - so I can let that sensation of simplicity come in and help me feel good about creating that space for something new to arrive in :)
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 Lately I have been thinking about the concept of dynamic tensions between the areas of myself that I am well-developed, and the areas I often struggle and am not as strong. This has been a conversation that has come up multiple times in conversations with friends over the past few weeks - noticing that tension, naming it, and exploring how to work with the spectrum of my strengths in new and different ways.
It's been a long held belief of mine that leaning into what is natural and beautifully available for me is a great place to be focusing in life, and I absolutely believe there is a deep wisdom in leaning into areas that are so naturally strong within me. I feel like learning what those areas are that flow so naturally within me (rather than how I feel like I am expected to perform or be conditioned to show up) has been a powerful awakening on its own. And I also am coming to see in my life, and in listening to friends talk about their experiences, how helpful it can be to understand the inherent tension that exists between areas that are easily strong and flowing, and the other side of that spectrum. For example- I'm great at living in the land of flow and non-linear and ideas in my mind. It is *far* more difficult for me to translate my ideas into something concrete and tangible, to bring them into form. There are times when this is great - I love brainstorming, I can often generate a zillion possibilities, and I know I am well attuned at supporting others in getting into this creative energy for themselves too. And then there are times when I am following idea after idea, and never quite following through on any of them. Or when I'm suggesting so many things and never completing them for myself. Starting so many blog posts and not publishing them ;) After time this can lead to frustration, challenge and an overabundance of non-linearity in my life that doesn't feel great to me. Or rather feels like I am missing something on the other side of the spectrum. So being aware of these tensions, in this case of the concrete form on the other side of the non-linear idea land, I am starting to bring my awareness to how this is an area of growth for me my life. I've begun moving the needle toward the middle of the spectrum a bit more, asking myself to follow through on things in as gentle a way as possible (because I am so over being harsh to myself - that's a well developed skill as well I've been desiring to kick out of my life). Seeing these tensions, naming them, working to bring them towards balance when they feel like they've swung far into the realm of overdeveloped, this feels like creating a sense of wholeness for me. It's learning to deepen into more self awareness, balance and creating a feeling of equilibrium in my life. So publishing this blog is one of these examples for me! Hello to finishing something I desired to start and complete :) Are there any areas of your life where you feel you may be so well developed, perhaps you are looking to bring in some balance from the other side of the spectrum? These are areas that can feel like stretching a new muscle or bringing some new energy and a sense of wholeness into your life … experiment, see how it feels to you, and if there's anything new you learn.  As I navigate my path and explore where my inner compass is taking me towards in this next phase of my life, I feel an abundance of questions. In this almost Scorpionic sense, I am feeling the need to look underneath the surface of my life and ask how I want to be building where I go next? What feels true? What feels like a default that I cannot accept anymore, or that I don't desire to replicate in my life?
Yet what I realized today in my journaling that in this process of asking more questions, there is one question that I really desire to STOP asking - - and that's the question of my own inner being, and my own inner worth. Good lord is this a difficult one to stop asking myself ... I feel so intimately wired with the 'pause, hesitate, question' of my instincts and innate desires. I often don't even realize I'm doing this as my default response. There is some deep work to do here. I am learning how to bring my awareness to this moment of choice over and over again, learning how to trust myself in wild ways. Ways that often feel like I'm moving into some pretty uncharted territory that I have no clue precisely where it is leading... So what I want to remember is that I also know moments when I have really known how to follow my instincts, and when that has led to absolutely incredible flow in my life. Moments when I surprised myself with how spot on my instincts were about something that felt previously unknowable. And for as often as I can recall the questioning and pausing, I can also summon experiences where I've led myself innately towards something amazing and well suited for myself. These experiences can feel quite far away when I'm in an experience that is seemingly opposite. It is real work to bring it back alive and real, yet that can be how I create a case against the inner questioning that wants to swoop in like a default ready to set up shop where it feels so comfortable. And I am no longer desiring that space to be for rent. So in asking questions, can I stop that constant questioning of self? ... and isn't that a weird and wacky and freeing conundrum to want to live in? ;) |
Allie ArmitageEmpowering people to connect with meaning and vibrancy in life. Archives
February 2020
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